PDA

View Full Version : Ok...Question...


MeggieHoops
04-12-2004, 07:09 PM
Ok so, I was talking to my friend about this earlier, so I thought I'd ask all you KKWer's advice.

There are usually alot of men in my life that I'm flirty with, and it's fun and I enjoy it, but I def. want something more, you know? However...whenever I start to have REAL feelings for someone, I get scared and end up saying/doing things to hurt them...sometimes intentionally (as I'm sure some people around here know only too well... :icon_err: ). I know how bad this is, but for some reason I can't seem to stop doing it. I guess in a way I'd rather hurt them than let myself get hurt, but in the end, hurting them hurts me. Any advice on how I can get over the feeling of being scared and commit myself to a real relationship?

Hazzle
04-12-2004, 07:34 PM
Don't get over it. The right guy'll come along who can deal with it and put you at ease eventually so you never feel afraid about it again.

Foeni
04-12-2004, 08:42 PM
I think that's just the way you are. You may be able to control, but it will always lie deep down just waiting to pop out. Then it's better for the (lucky) guy to know before you start a real relationship. Maybe you could try not to hurt them too much. A litte sting once in a while kinda tests them.

hasselbrad
04-12-2004, 09:12 PM
Date thicker skinned men.

Hazzle
04-12-2004, 10:39 PM
Date thicker skinned men.

What he said.

ryan
04-12-2004, 10:52 PM
However...whenever I start to have REAL feelings for someone, I get scared and end up saying/doing things to hurt them...sometimes intentionally (as I'm sure some people around here know only too well... :icon_err: )

whoever could you be referring to? :p

i'll use the ol' poker analogy/matt damon quote on this one.

you can't win what you don't put in the middle.
this translates to: sometimes you have to take a risk in order to acheieve or win something. something (yourself, in this instance) needs to be put on the line in order to get what you want. good things don't keep happening to people just by chance. they don't get what they want by taking the easy road. life would be boring if we never had challenges or obsticles.
take a risk. if it fails, you get hurt. you're gonna get hurt anyway if you keep doing what you're doing. what do you have to lose?

Hazzle
04-12-2004, 10:54 PM
Can't actually disagree with Ryan one bit. No risk no reward <shrugs>.

Flightfreak
05-12-2004, 12:45 PM
It’s very good that you realise that you have that problem.
The best thing you can do is just be honest about it,
Its very confusing for a guy, so talk about it,
it will make things easier for you and for the guy.

johnnyboy
05-12-2004, 03:45 PM
What sort of things do you say?

No guy likes to be insulted or hurt, and guys, as well as girls, have different tolerance levels for such things. Find the time to talk to the guy you like and explain to him why you say/do these things. Chances are he'll understand and the relationship will be better because of it. Honesty is the best thing for a relationship, communication is the key. Just keep in mind, just because you told him why you do it doesn't mean that he'll be able to take it forever.

KeirazBabe
08-12-2004, 02:16 PM
Im crap at advice so *hugz to the fellow meg* hehe

xXx

Kelsey
23-12-2004, 07:19 AM
I would rather be the type that runs away at the first sight of serious feelings. Alas, I am not. Don't lose all of that hesitant nature...you were right on the money with the whole "....I'd rather hurt them than let myself get hurt" thing. I've seen "Closer."

Allanon
23-12-2004, 10:06 AM
A guy that really likes you won't move an inch if you say something bad to him at least I know I wouldn't.

ryan
23-12-2004, 03:47 PM
A guy that really likes you won't move an inch if you say something bad to him at least I know I wouldn't.

oh, you young kids.

Allanon
25-12-2004, 09:05 PM
young kids? I might be older then you ryan for all you know but as a matter of fact I'm not. And second of all are you saying that you would go away if you really liked the girl?

Flightfreak
25-12-2004, 09:45 PM
look, you dont know the situation and i know you post with good aim,
but i think you better let this thread rest.

its not al black and white like you see it

Melvin
26-12-2004, 01:33 AM
I assume you and Ryan are both in the category of "certain people" or "some people" or whatever it was (just basing that on your replies, sorry if I assumed wrong) and obviously know the situation a lot better than Allanon but I happen to agree with him (or is it her? Sorry if I've offended you).

I do think that if you're in one of those situations, and you know the other party does things like that, you modify your own behaviour and how you react to it. It's like the thing with bullying and standing up to the bully, where eventually the bully backs down. If someone plays games or does stuff like that, they're doing it to provoke a certain reaction. Any man knows all women play games, manipulation is something they're skilled at, and I think any honest woman would agree with that. However if you don't give them the reaction they're looking for, they may stop doing whatever it is they do.

That's just my thought, but of course I don't know the specifics of the situation and clearly other people here do so it's probably best I shut up now.

ryan
26-12-2004, 01:41 AM
young kids? I might be older then you ryan for all you know but as a matter of fact I'm not. And second of all are you saying that you would go away if you really liked the girl?

if the person is worth liking, they wouldn't keep blowing up at me. yes, i'd "go away" if the person kept acting like that.

sure, if they were having a really bad day and let a little out on me, it's forgiveable, but if they do it for no reason or some lame reason, you bet i'd walk. why sit there and take it?

Melvin
26-12-2004, 01:49 AM
Ryan, forgive me again if I'm wrong, but it sounds like you were involved with this girl. So would you say other than the blowing up this girl was worth liking?

If so I think that answers your question because people do weird stuff when they're afraid, and if that's what it is (and that's what it sounds like) that fear should go away after some time because the girl'll learn to trust that you won't hurt her. I think given how a lot of guys act (and you sound like a nice guy so you know that not all guys are like that) it's natural for women to be afraid of being left broken hearted.

I just think the risk thing works both ways. If she's not willing to risk being hurt, and you're not willing to risk being hurt, then it won't go anywhere. Obviously if you think that the person isn't worth being hurt by, then that's simple. Like I said, I don't know the situation, or the girl (other than what she's posted here) so she could be a right bitch and not worth the trouble. Just like not all guys are nice, a lot of girls are bitches and if that's the case, then I'd agree with you. If she's just being a bitch for the hell of it, good riddance.

ryan
26-12-2004, 02:38 AM
Ryan, forgive me again if I'm wrong, but it sounds like you were involved with this girl. So would you say other than the blowing up this girl was worth liking?

If so I think that answers your question because people do weird stuff when they're afraid, and if that's what it is (and that's what it sounds like) that fear should go away after some time because the girl'll learn to trust that you won't hurt her. I think given how a lot of guys act (and you sound like a nice guy so you know that not all guys are like that) it's natural for women to be afraid of being left broken hearted.

I just think the risk thing works both ways. If she's not willing to risk being hurt, and you're not willing to risk being hurt, then it won't go anywhere. Obviously if you think that the person isn't worth being hurt by, then that's simple. Like I said, I don't know the situation, or the girl (other than what she's posted here) so she could be a right bitch and not worth the trouble. Just like not all guys are nice, a lot of girls are bitches and if that's the case, then I'd agree with you. If she's just being a bitch for the hell of it, good riddance.


are you referring to meghan?

deviljet88
26-12-2004, 03:43 AM
Melvin's good at assumptions.

Allanon
26-12-2004, 11:41 AM
I'm a he Melvin and I have now expired my stay in this thread and yes I don't know the whole story/situation just saying what I believe.

Melvin
26-12-2004, 02:07 PM
Ryan: I was meaning Megiehoops, the girl who started the thread, if her name's Megan than that's who I mean. Sorry if that wasn't clear.

Deviljet88: I am? Sorry, I just went on what I was reading, Flightfreak and Ryan both spoke like they were "involved", like they were "some people" who were on the end of this weird behaviour. I'm sorry if I was wrong, it just read like they were.

Yeah Allanon, me too. I suppose we should leave it to those who know what's going on. I was just offering my opinion but I don't know all the facts so I suppose we should both leave it to those who do.

ryan
26-12-2004, 02:58 PM
Ryan: I was meaning Megiehoops, the girl who started the thread, if her name's Megan than that's who I mean. Sorry if that wasn't clear.

Deviljet88: I am? Sorry, I just went on what I was reading, Flightfreak and Ryan both spoke like they were "involved", like they were "some people" who were on the end of this weird behaviour. I'm sorry if I was wrong, it just read like they were.

Yeah Allanon, me too. I suppose we should leave it to those who know what's going on. I was just offering my opinion but I don't know all the facts so I suppose we should both leave it to those who do.

I'm involved with no person. I was, however, on the end of the behavior described by Meghan.

acliff
26-12-2004, 03:25 PM
All I see here, is various people not quite realising that hundreds of people read these boards and therefore does not constitute a private conversation.

Melvin
26-12-2004, 05:32 PM
Yeah, I think you're right, this is a website forum thing and lots of people post on here and lots of others just read it, but I don't want to step on anyone's toes so it's ok. Thanks for sticking up for us little people though :D

I think that the thread was intended to be a general discussion of a commitment issue or fear, and how to deal with it, how to stop hurting people to avoid being hurt, rather than the specifics of one private, personal situation. I'm sure it's not a situation peculiar to these individuals, and I hope your comments, Acliff, inspire others to post their views and experiences to help further a more general discussion of the problem. It's an interesting discussion to have I think.

MikeKnick04
06-01-2005, 12:33 AM
No one reads your BS fellas, it is boring words

MeggieHoops, I have 2 tips {with sub stuff}

1. Don't Hug KeirazBabe if you like guys, Lmao, just lightening up the convo...

2. The hating is your defense, I do the same sh!t, make fun of girls that I like...{above, lol}.
2a) Chill Out and talk nice with LoverBoy, if he likes you he will talk forever
2b) Get touchie with him, it excites most guys, but not word punches{meanness}
2c) Since you are 19, I'm guessing your in college right? So eat private lunch with him, and talk about...{i'm stuck}...how about poke fun at other people you know, it works for me BIG TIME
2d) Drop the 'Gate' and let the 'Suitor' in for personal feelings, got it?

Peace and Love

good luck ;)

ryan
06-01-2005, 02:34 AM
Haha she hugged ME, first off, but I'll hug her all I want, thank you. *Gives a huge hug to the fellow Meg just because she can*

Second...aw, you like her? How ca-ute.

Thirdly...eh, good advice, I suppose...but my situations are alot more complicated, and also, those things you suggested are things that I've already DONE. I meant AFTER I get to know someone and have the possiblity of starting a relationship with them.

private lunch?

i'm in.

ryan
06-01-2005, 03:04 AM
You wouldn't make it past appetizers without trying to jump me.

jump you? explain.
or, since people get bitcy, just PM it.

im off to work for the next 17 hours without any prior sleep. woo.

MikeKnick04
06-01-2005, 03:35 AM
Okay, you two find a room or something...seriously
But my last 'guess' is that you are afraid you will mess up big and blow it for ever going with that lad.
Listen Meg, you talk {type} like you 'aint scared of nothing' {my quote}
So what if you mess up big time, at least you tried, and if you can't help making fun of guys, then i guess you R fu<ked by your own attitude.

So, in closing, get drunk at a party, mellow out, then jump a guy.
Just make sure it is ryan...

{he might be the only man alive that can handle hoops...}