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Glare
29-10-2004, 09:07 AM
When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet. And when toast is dropped, it always lands with the buttered side facing down. I propose to strap buttered toast to the back of a cat; the two will hover, spinning inches above the ground. With a giant buttered cat array, a high-speed monorail could easily link New York with Chicago.

Why Yawning Is Contagious: You yawn to equalize the pressure on your eardrums. This pressure change outside your eardrums unbalances other people's ear pressures, so they must yawn to even it out.

The earth may spin faster on its axis due to deforestation. Just as a figure skater's rate of spin increases when the arms are brought in close to the body, the cutting of tall trees may cause our planet to spin dangerously fast.


The Buttered Cat Principle - Examined in more depth

The Facts... If you drop a buttered piece of bread, it will fall on the floor butter- side down. If a cat is dropped from a window or other high and towering place, it will land on it's feet.

The Problem Stated... But what if you attach a buttered piece of bread, butter-side up to a cat's back and toss them both out the window? Will the cat land on it's feet? Or will the butter splat on the ground?

The Answer... Even if you are too lazy to do the experiment yourself you should be able to deduce the obvious result. The laws of butterology demand that the butter must hit the ground, and the equally strict laws of feline aerodynamics demand that the cat can not smash its furry back. If the combined construct were to land, nature would have no way to resolve this paradox. Therefore it simply does not fall.

That's right you clever mortal (well, as clever as a mortal can get), you have discovered the secret of antigravity! A buttered cat will, when released, quickly move to a height where the forces of cat-twisting and butter repulsion are in equilibrium. This equilibrium point can be modified by scraping off some of the butter, providing lift, or removing some of the cat's limbs, allowing descent.

Most of the civilized species of the Universe already use this principle to drive their ships while within a planetary system. The loud humming heard by most sighters of UFOs is, in fact, the purring of several hundred tabbies.

The one obvious danger is, of course, if the cats manage to eat the bread off their backs they will instantly plummet. Of course the cats will land on their feet, but this usually doesn't do them much good, since right after they make their graceful landing several tons of red- hot starship and ticked off aliens crash on top of them.

deviljet88
29-10-2004, 09:11 AM
What's beyond the end of the universe?

Timmy
29-10-2004, 10:29 AM
this post has made my day lol :)

bob
29-10-2004, 11:12 AM
would i be sucking the fun out of this thread by suggesting that a cat lands on its feet due to reflexes and that the buttered side of toast is heavier than the plain side?

deviljet88
29-10-2004, 12:56 PM
Well no. Cats land on their feet due to their tail. Try cutting the tail off a cat, then drop it off a building. It's fun. Now, that post destroyed the joy of the thread. Carry on, and someone answer my previous question: What's beyond the end of the universe?

Pinkfairy
29-10-2004, 01:25 PM
Cher.

Narg
29-10-2004, 02:54 PM
Thats an awesome post glare, your best yet, made me laugh and was interesting in a funny way. :)

apoggy
29-10-2004, 03:21 PM
Hardly original. Which website did you copy/paste from?

hasselbrad
29-10-2004, 05:02 PM
Fucking cat won't let me put the buttered toast vest on it!