We get bored here in the wee small hours of the night.

When the cretinous hoardes of North America have gone to bed, the Welsh have retired to their stables for the night and the Scots have counted their till receipts, there really isn't an awful lot to do.

So why not fire off a taciturn email to ease our pain? Use the handy form located 'twixt here and the bottom of the page.

We used to have imaged-addresses to discourage those rampant (and possible rabid) spamtrawlers, sent on a mission from Beelzebub to harvest our addresses - their only goal to sell us Cable Descramblers and remind us 14 times daily that our penises are so diminutive in stature that MegaWonderGrow tablets are our last hope. However, not even that was sufficient so we've reverted to a solid contact form instead.

Please bear in mind that all your forlorn lovesick messages to Keira should be directed towards the fanmail addres on the Fanmail page.